ma’am im sorry but that baby was due today, i don’t care if its not done just turn in what you have
welcome to coach ella. im not sure what this music festival you kids have been whispering about is, but now youre stuck here. as your new coach, i want everyone in the audience to start by doing 50 pushups. nobody leaves without running a 5k
[suspicious snape voice] “you’re saying your friend named remus lupin definitely isn’t a werewolf”
[shocked, disappointed james potter voice] “remus lupin, a werewolf?? is it because he’s named after a guy raised by a wolf? is it because his surname literally means wolf? well. you’re wrong. his middle name is john, there’s no way he could be a werewolf.”
the only reason tumblr wants u to change ur password is bc its jealous of ur current one and wants to steal it to use as its own. dont fall for its low down n shifty ass tricks
omg apparently artificial banana flavoring is based on the gros michel banana which was wiped out by a banana plague in the 50s and the banana we eat today is a totally different thing called the cavendish and thats why banana candy doesnt taste like bananas do you know how lied to i feel. like there was a fucking banana apocalypse and no one told me about it until now
i go on this website for the first time in a little while and one of the first things i see is something along the lines of “the only explanation for authors who write racist characters in their books is they must be racist themselves” nah im outtie 5 again
all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.